Stop Blaming Others: Own Your Stuff

Accountability: Own Your Stuff

Over the years it seems that more and more people want to blame others for their mistakes.  Pouring coffee you know is hot on yourself and suing the restaurant, suing the people who own the sidewalk you slipped on. Really?  If there was something slippery on the sidewalk, ok, or like a certain car dealership with vehicles that spontaneously combust, they should be held accountable.  For some reason, people want compensation they don’t deserve.  There’s that entitlement thing again.  They also don’t want to admit when they were wrong.  When did it become so hard to say “oops, my bad” or “I’m sorry.”  Perhaps people fear the consequence or have issues with perfectionism, or lack insight because they’re ego is too big.  Then there is greed, probably the biggest motivator. This society is lacking integrity.  If you mess up, admit it, do damage control and move on. Let’s look at celebrities to get a better idea of how this works.  You have a celebrity that wrongfully was put on a pedestal for having some talent say in a sport or for their looks or acting, whatever.  That person gets arrested for a DUI.  That person then denies it, minimizes it or pretends to be religious all of the sudden, like we’re that stupid. I hope we’re not anyway.  How do you feel about that person?  Do you respect her? Yes it was a her named after a hotel, hint hint.  Then there’s somebody else who gets arrested for a DUI and he admits it, pleads guilty and makes a public statement apologizing for his behavior.  He doesn’t get all dramatic and enter rehab while he doesn’t need it.  He simply admits to the mistake and moves on.
Now the media gets ratings over the first example and the celebrity milks it all she can.  But how do you feel about the second person?  I know I can respect him. He did the right thing.  He is human after all.  So there is obviously some secondary gain in not taking responsibility.  But at what cost?  What does that do you, how you feel about yourself, how it affects you spiritually, the crappy karma that it will get you?  So the next time you make a mistake own it, fix it as much as you can then heal from it.  If someone is blaming you for something they did (narcissistic, borderline and antisocial personalities and domestic abusers and sexual abusers are notorious for that) they are likely projecting their own issues or trying to manipulate you.  So be careful to take responsibility only for your actions.  We can’t control people or fix them. Try though many do.  It’s hard enough to control our own thoughts and emotions isn’t it? So how in the hell can you do that to someone else?  Those that do have those control issues are not healthy and the relationship is not healthy. Give it some thought.


Dr. Umfer is a licensed clinical psychologist and forensic psychologist in Tampa Florida. She specializes in weight loss and forensic evaluations, such as sex offender risk assessments, psychological evaluations for substance abuse, competency, fitness for duty, immigration etc. She has certifications in fitness and nutrition, clinical hypnotherapy and as a meditation instructor. She identifies herself as a Forensic Evaluator and Weight Liberator and strives to help clients become "Umferized" aka empowered and fulfilled.

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