Is your energy being drained?
Protection from Psychic Vampires
Psychic vampirism refers to people who drain you of energy. It is usually an unconscious process, they are unaware of it. You or I could do it at times as well. These people who do it all of the time tend to be toxic personalities, if not meeting criteria for a personality disorder. They may leave you feeling fatigued, angry or depressed. It may accumulate over time. Have you ever just not liked someone without knowing why? Have you just not liked a vibe someone gave off? Pay attention and keep your distance. Our own negativity can drain us as well. That is why so many people who are depressed suffer from fatigue.
Have you found yourself saying to yourself why am I so angry with this person, when you usually don’t get that upset, you might be getting vamped. People who have no regard for your feelings, only their own, yes personality disordered and psychic vampires they probably are. People who are most likely to be psychic vampires are: your narcissists, histrionics (attention seekers), depressed people, sociopaths, dependent personalities or co-dependent types and sick people.
Yes we are all toxic from time to time. The focus here is on the permanent toxins. And while we can’t change the other person, we can improve ourselves or leave the relationship. You might be saying, crap that’s everybody. Well it can be everybody at varying degrees and times. And no you can’t hold up in your home and avoid people, that’s not healthy. You learn to protect yourself and detect them. There are many things you can do to protect yourself.
If you can, cut yourself off from them. Cut them out of your life if possible, if they aren’t willing to change. If you can’t, then avoid them as much as possible. You might also want to experiment with the dynamics, the conversations, to see how that changes the energy. You might want to keep conversations brief or only via email or texting. This tends to be a problem largely in the workplace. You’re stuck with these folks. If it is too toxic a job change may be in order. We all know too well; however; given the economy, that leaving might not be an option. Although you’d be surprised how many people are leaving toxic workplaces and starting their own businesses. If you must work with these people, then try some or all of these methods, some are mental and some are more spiritual.
It is always useful to use reframes, meaning you change your viewpoint about something. Think about things differently. Look to your co-workers who might seem to be in denial and find out how they think about things. Not overreacting and not taking things personally is critical, a must. You see, the world resolves around each person. We all live in our own world and make it about us, so that person that vamps you is operating from that stance. So to take it personally is useless. Let me be clear here, I am not telling you to just think positive and ignore your feelings. Feel them, but find ways to let it go, let it out, don’t hold it in and act out. Also, use these tools to change your thinking (see the chapter on Mental Health) to reduce your agitation. If the following spiritual solutions aren’t for you then you will need to master the thinking piece as well as the next one.
Set boundaries and limits with people. Know what you need and be sure you get it, or at least as much as you can. Take you lunch, hell you’re not getting paid for it. Close your office or bedroom door, whatever it takes to have that social-work-home life balance. Say no to those who ask too much of you. You can’t please everybody, and takers only want what they want and don’t care about you anyway. You don’t owe anybody anything more than what you agreed to. If you agreed to too much, modify the contract. You can change your mind. Don’t take on more projects at work that leave you drained, feeling guilty stressed and cause you to lose personal and family time. Narcissists and sociopaths are masters at projecting guilt onto people. It is theirs usually because they’re too incompetent to do the thing they’re asking for to begin with. Also don’t take on work you don’t have to do if you don’t get positively reinforced for it. If you’re not treated well, why do something more for that person? You can’t change people, only yourself and some of the dynamics. For instance, by changing how you respond to a particular person may result in a different response from them. At first they will sabotage, as they want things to remain as is. But over time they might change a bit, but only a little bit. You can’t fix people and make them what you want them to be. Accept this and your life will change for the better. It will always be a balancing act. If you do something you don’t want to do and know will stress you out, but you will benefit from it, then maybe you will do it. Think it through, rather than just saying yes.
Give to those who give back. If you have a martyr complex, it’s time to turn the page. Thinking you’ll get good karma or a spot in heaven for overdoing for others isn’t healthy and your motives are messed up. I’m not advocating for apathy here, but equity. There has to be give and take. Give to those who make you feel good, who care for you and support you. That is where you put your energy. If you are a professional caretaker, then you need a lot of self care. Have you given and given to people who only seem to take? Do you really think they’ll return the favor? Why would they? They have someone they can walk all over and get their needs met. Giving to these people leaves you feeling resentful, hurt, angry and unappreciated. So if you’re not getting enough back, stop giving and give back to yourself. Take baths, go for walks, appreciate nature, take a vacation or staycation, garden, exercise, do yoga, tai chi or qigong, meditate etc. Females working in testosterone dominant places, run, lift weights, do exercises like belly dancing and pilates to get back in touch with your femininity.
Follow feng shui practices. This involves situating things in a room to increase positive flow of chi or energy. You can also enhance certain areas to improve wealth, health, relationships etc. The goal for this purpose is to keep the chi flowing to block negativity. Have you ever noticed how changing a comforter on a bed can change a room or how moving furniture changes how the room feels? You want the room to feel good and focus on deflecting negativity. Having crystals hanging or religious symbols that are meaningful to you such as a pentagram or cross either displayed or hidden also helps protect you. Plants also help. You don’t want to be sitting with your back toward the door. If you can’t change the desk, put a mirror on our desk so you can see behind you. If you are sitting in line with the door, meaning if you turn your head to the side you are in line with the door, place a plant in between the desk and door and hang a crystal. If not the negative energy will flow right in, attracting drama and negativity.
Crystal quartz is a great stone to absorb negativity. You must cleanse it every so often by washing it in salt, ideally sea salt, or letting it sit in the sun for 24 hours, this way the sun and moon cleanse it. Other helpful stones are hematite, obsidian, onyx, amethyst, agate, aventurine, carnelian and tiger’s eye. Gemtones have been known to have many healing and protective abilities. You can carry a stone in your bag, pocket or bra or wear jewelry. You can also keep some nearby.
Aromatherapy: If you can’t burn candles or incense at work, try the aromatherapy burners, things you plug in or wear an amulet. An amulet is a protective stone that you put essential oils in, looks like pendant. You’re getting double protection if you put say dragon’s blood or frankincense in there. You can even rub some oil on your nose of wrists as well. Scents impact how we feel. Negativity deflectors include but are not limited to: frankincsense, myrrh, dragons’s blood, anise, balsam, basil, bayberry, carnation, cypress, spearmint, vetivert, violet oil and protection oil by a great website ladyhawkstreasures.com. At home you can burn white sage and other incense that protect you and smell wonderful.
You can also use the power of your intention via visualization to protect yourself. Imagine yourself surrounded by a white bubble of light. You might want to say something to yourself such as let the white God/Goddess light surround and protect me from all harm. If you have no religious affiliation just say universal white light or whatever works for you. Also imagine a blue circle above you head to allow positive influences to enter. You can do this anywhere. It is best to begin the day, before leaving the house and anytime when you feel you need some extra protection. At the very least it will distract you from the negative feelings you may be experiencing. Also see the section on meditation, as you will learn to do this more automatically with regular meditation practice. If you find yourself in a conflictual and possibly toxic relationship you will want to reassess if this relationship is working for you. Can the energy be worked on by using these methods in addition to psychotherapy and/or reiki (energy therapy)? Can both parties change, or are they willing? If not, leave.
A word about working with, under or having to interact with micromanagerial narcissists. Know this about them, they are overcompensating for feelings of inadequacy by projecting it onto you. Perhaps a parent is like this. They create fires so they can put them out to feel relevant and useful (AKA arsonists). So overwhelm them with information. Let them know that you are the expert on your career field or the expert on you. A word of caution here. These people are vindictive. So if you don’t stroke their ego or manipulate them, be prepared for retaliation. This must be balanced with standing your ground, otherwise they will walk all over you. Also be careful around sick people, especially people with chronic diseases or cancer. They will unknowingly drain you of energy, because they need it to survive. If you must be around them, then seriously consider using some of these suggestions, to be able to help them while maintaining your energy and, well, yourself. Places where you can find some if the items mentioned are new age book stores and the internet, also look at the auction sites.
A word about oils. They are to be used externally only, in diffusers, a drop or two in a candle, several drops in a bathtub etc. You can put them on your skin. I like putting a drop on my nose, or on my wrists. However; if you are pregnant or have a serious medical condition, research the oil before doing so.