Is Your Relationship Healthy?

Are you getting what you need from your relationships?  This means having good social support, loving and supportive relationships.  You don’t have to be in a committed relationship for this.  Independent single people are healthier than previously thought. Unfortunately, it’s a couple’s world leaving singles a bit out-casted.  What is key is to have supportive people in your life and get rid of the toxic ones, even if they are flesh and blood.  Relationships are about give and take.  It is a quid pro quo kind of thing.  Sounds bad, but it is true.  I’m not talking about paying it forward here, as that is a good thing if it makes you feel good.  However; when one is giving too much, they feel neglected and resentful.  People have to care enough about each other to give and receive as equally as possible or there will be problems.  So stop giving to entitled takers.  Stop doing things for ingrates.  Do things that make you feel good, that you want to do for people who deserve it. Once you start paying attention to these things, it might be hard, because you might have to have a changing of the guard in terms of your relationships.

If someone is doing something that would be expected in a relationship, meaning a realistic expectation, ask yourself, are these the type of people I want in my life? Some may not have been as supportive, but mean me well and are just too busy with their lives, that’s different.  I won’t fire someone for that.    But the other ones, they are people that drain us.  We get angry and resentful.  I call them psychic vampires.  So ask yourself, are the people in your life supporting you?  Are they the kind of people you want in your life?  You may need to back away from some people. Maybe you’ll email and see them less. Some you will cut out completely, even family. You might visit your family on your terms.  People who are worth being in your life will eventually adjust to you saying no to them to take care of yourself.  They will resist at first. Give them a chance, but don’t wait too long.  People can change. If you find yourself making excuses for someone, or are hoping they will be like they were when you first met (fake, not their true selves in most cases), then think long and hard about the relationship.  Does this person build you up and encourage you to be the best you can be, or bring you down?  So put energy and time (two precious resources many of us lack these days) into relationships that give back and avoid the psychic vampires or cut them out if you can.


Dr. Umfer is a licensed clinical psychologist and forensic psychologist in Tampa Florida. She specializes in weight loss and forensic evaluations, such as sex offender risk assessments, psychological evaluations for substance abuse, competency, fitness for duty, immigration etc. She has certifications in fitness and nutrition, clinical hypnotherapy and as a meditation instructor. She identifies herself as a Forensic Evaluator and Weight Liberator and strives to help clients become "Umferized" aka empowered and fulfilled.

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